You know how there are some people that just seem to 'have it all together'? They carry neat little clutches,or tidy wallets. Hair,clothing,and physical appearance impeccable-not a stray speck of lint anywhere. They have calendars with color coded events,tasks neatly noted. Checkbooks and digital registers shoot out realtime account balances. They have a contact lists cross referenced with home,business,birthdates,kids' schools,etc.CarsTurtlewaxed regularly,airfresheners neatly hidden under the driver seat,floor pads immaculate with supplemental coverings,surfaces neatly Armoralled. Homes are spotless,cords wrapped with zipties,shoes at the front door aligned according to owner and foot sizes. Closets reveal a tidy system and color palettes.Pantry crumbless with labels visibly alphabetized- Okay-well you get the idea.Does this just come naturally?
Organization does NOT come naturally to me! In fact it's been a struggle all my life. ALL my life! In fact I wake up thinking I am defective every single day.Those ruthless admonishments have tormented me throughout my lifetime-why can't you just "get it together"? How can an "adult" NOT have this down by now? It's things they teach us in Kindegarten. If you take something out-put it back when you're done. If you use something up, replace it. A place for everything and everything in its place.Something goes in something must come out. There is not an infinite amount of space in a fixed structure.Can't spend more than you have-20-16=4, Right?Seems pretty simple.Not so easy in my world.
My world is a tumultuous jumble of 'making do'-flying by the seat of some tattered pants,covering up for inadequecies and fighting that urge to just succumb.Internal dialogue is not often kind,forgiving,nurturing. Identity muddled, imposter syndrome ,chameleon complex wrestling for ultimate dominance-who wins? Where is transparency,authenticity and integrity? There is a melancholy longing for that time when things seemed simpler,actions were almost innocent in facility.Trust was effortless,beliefs fundamental,and the Spirit was indomitable. Those days of yore now exist only in diffuse semipermeable memories. These days I must consciously choose a deliberately proactive positivity. It's become truth that only we can create our reality,through the choices we make."If it is to be, it's up to me" or so 'they' say.The point of this extended rambling is essentially that it's time to step up,stop wondering and jump into action.
A plan of action. Ah, that's what I need! It's always a "system", a new plan, some grand scheme to get the job done. No, really, I've developed hundreds of "plans" to conquer the chaos. Another filing cabinet,more plastic tubs,boxes,envelopes, closet organizers, wall systems-even hired an organzer once. Here's the glitch though, the problem will not be remedied by an external 'fix'. The breakdown is deeply internal.Faulty thinking at the very core. To effect lasting change the plan of action must embrace a multifaceted approach,largely involving a reorganization of the subconscious. Must eradicate those scathing messages squelching self worth and any semblance of self respect. Need to create an inner atmosphere of calm encouragement. Where a strong,solid foundation is built, potential for healthy growth exists. When healthy growth occurs, there is greater likelihood for positive change. All about that positive change!
In seeking change, I've come around full circle. So things aren't perfect in my world,but they could be a whole lot worse.Gets back to that conscious choice to focus on the best.It's been said,"if you aren't part of the solution you are part of the problem". I opt to be part of the solution.That means letting go of all possible negativity,all draining influences-toxic thoughts,people, circumstances. Seems it comes down to an energy flow. Begin the day with the genuine belief that I can do all things with Him Who strengthens me.Set a reasonanble goal.Stay focused on the "prize". Small manageable tasks,knocked down one at a time. Visualize doors opening,sparks igniting,relationships developing,friendships forming, good happening through every small motion forward.Must remember it's a marathon, not a sprint. This will involve longitudinal corrections,ongoing over the duration.Progress,not perfection and daily gratitude.
Daily gratitude, thankful for a second and third chance and many more Blessings... Will continue moving toward a better way, another day.
